Saturday, May 9, 2009

I got Square Pants...and I don't know Why???

I talked to my momma two days ago. Momma is handicapped since her stroke 6 years ago and walks with a walker. She also broke her left hip 2 1/2 years ago, even after rehab, that leg is slightly shorter than the other due to the muscle drawing up somewhat (of course she will never believe that and insists the doctor put the wrong size hip in her????) Anyway, momma has been falling. Her balance has been iffy for quite some time, and there is no measuring her stubbornness!

She is determined that she can still do everything...she loads her dishwasher, she folds her clothes, she cooks her breakfast...but she cannot open the kitchen window over the sink...her walker takes off without her (it does have wheels ya know), and my momma, having the personality of a pissed off rattlesnake... cannot wait 10 seconds for anyone else to come and help her, so she falls. She has fell so much in the last two years that she has a technique for "butt landings".

She was telling me of her latest "butt landing" on top of the last two this week, and I suddenly had a vision of that stupid Burger King commercial, where all those gals in red short-shorts are dancing with phone book shapes in the britches...and I started giggling...and trying to tell mom she needed to get her a square foam insert so she could have "square pants" (SPONGEBOB)...WELL the giggles brought on the coughing, choking, sputtering, tears running down my face (I could just picture Mom with the red short-shorts and the square insert pushing her walker down the hall...with the square rump going up and down.....). Ok, I know, she is a poor handicapped woman...but my mom used to be the hot-to-trot best dancer ever and her favorite song to dance to was "Wipeout". She could jiggle her bottom in ways I have never discovered the secret to! So...Mom...squarepant's.....

Yes, I have officially turned the corner, I am crazy.


Julie said...

Hello Crazy. I'm Batshit Nuts.

I had to laugh because my 84 year old mother has broken both hips in the past 5 years and she too insists that the hip doctor put the wrong hips in because she can't walk the same. Hello, you lay in bed all day and have no muscle strength!!!! LOL

Reddirt Woman said...

That is a great story for us folks who can visualize the story. I always blamed my one leg shorter than the other on being half Tennesseean. You know, walking around the mountain. My dad, born and raised in Tennessee, would get a laugh out of that statement. Your mom sounds like a pretty spunky and stubborn woman. Sound like anyone you know?


Aleta said...

OMG, that was hilarious! I can just picture you starting a new style with the elderly. Hehe. Burger King ain't seen nothing! LMAO