Saturday, December 20, 2008

Christmas coming....continued

Darned FoxFire and Internet connection: I was on a roll when off goes my connection and I lost my blog. The only way to get it is to publish the draft and now it won't let me go in and edit.

Back to where I was. (Five years ago before I met him)

Dave was T-boned by an 18-wheeler pulling a low-boy trailer loaded with heavy, oilfield equipment. He had a head injury, a broken jaw, fractured vertebrae, whip-lash, and his right leg was crushed from about 5 inches below the hip joint all the way to the knee. He underwent extensive surgery on the leg. He was unable to work and was in physical therapy for over a year. He had to use his 401 K to live on, eventually had to file bankruptcy while he was waiting on his disability determination and workman's comp. That accident destroyed his life as he knew it. To add insult to injury, the DPS officer who worked the accident gave HIM a citation for at fault, although he CLEARLY had a head injury, had experience loss of consciousness and was unable to tell them exactly what happened, at the scene.

He went to court to fight it, Worker's Comp told him he did not need a lawyer...and since he was an honest man, he thought all he had to do was describe the accident and all would be ok. Not. The 18 - wheeler driver had pulled off the road, into the dirt right-of-way on the RIGHT side of the highway, he did not have on any lights, no blinkers, it was dusk. Dave continued down the road, he said there was so much dust from the 18-wheeler going off the right side of the road, that HE COULD NOT EVEN SEE the 18-wheeler....he thought the truck had pulled over to stop, .....instead the driver was swinging wide to turn LEFT into a side road. The Truck driver proceeded to turn left, not seeing Dave (remember all the dust) and T-boned him on the passenger side of Dave's vehicle. DPS did not cite the Truck Driver...who did not have on his running lights, or a turn signal, and who had in fact left the road-way. They did not take the driver to the ER for the STATE REQUIRED post-accident breath analyzer and drug testing....
Small community, small town judge, good-ol'-boy community, Dave's amazing inability to think he needed a lawyer. His ticket stood, so he was therefore deemed unable to sue the trucking company that HIT HIM! He lost everything! His job, his health, his faith, and almost his sanity. He went from never being late on any bill....with an excellent credit rating, to barely able to pay his morgage. He let his vehicle go back, he moved into an RV, his wife (at the time) blamed him for the change in their lifestyle...mostly she hated him because she had to go back to work. She had him placed on multiple anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications. She turned him almost into a Zombie. He was miserable. She wanted out, and he gave her a divorce. HER LOSS, MY GAIN.

He took himself off all the psycho meds. He found out he was still worthy of love. Still, his macho....I'm the man, I should be earning the living .... gets in the way sometimes. It takes an act of Congress to get the man to take a muscle relaxant or a pain pill, when his leg is spasmed to the point it looks like the rod is going to break and all the pins and orthopedic paraphanilia is going to pop right out of the skin. He has refused to use his cane, to the point that he can barely walk at times. He refuses to use his handicap parking tag, we park out in Bum F.... Egypt and he is sometimes pale and almost falling down by the time we get into a store. Yet, his family, thinks he has life made....he has a wife who works, and he gets to "sit home" all day (night).

What the hell is wrong with those people? You would think that his family...who know him best, would know that being a stay at home husband is the last thing in the world Dave would ever want. He misses his job, he was an instrument technician and electrical engineer for a gas-plant in West Texas. He was also an assistant minister at a church I won't name. He lost that position because he couldn't PAY for a RENEWAL on some kind of ministry license required by their faith (WTF????) ... but, mainly the Primary Pastor couldn't use him anymore because he was not able to stand and preach, and he was having depression and not at a point where he was ready to be teaching Sunday School or going to retreats...What kinda church would not take up an offering and pay for that "required" license???? I'm good old, bible belt Baptist, our ministers get "the calling" and get ordained. I don't think they have to pay any fee based anything, to preach. He didn't get paid to preach, he preached from the heart.

Whew....got all that crap out didn't I??? ANYWAY, where I was going with the whole kit and kaboodle was that Dave doesn't want me to buy him anything...and I love buying him stuff he wants....that we can afford. He goes out of his way...everyday to make my life easy and to let me know how much he loves me and appreciates me. I truely am the most loved and luckiest woman on the face of the earth!

Christmas...a time for giving...to those we love, to those who are in need, to our church and to our community. I was I had the money that Donald Trump has...I would give it all away...

5 comments:

Aleta said...

Woah... I'm so incredibly sorry that Dave went through this. I read the injury list that you wrote and thought of how lucky Greg was...

Dave sounds like giving and thoughtful person, someone who has to have strength of character to see him through the accident, the injuries, the divorce, the loss of job and work at the church (which I think is horrible how they treated him! Time to find a new church, I say) and yet.. for him to still open his heart to love and find you ~ pretty amazing of a person. I'm glad you're there for him and vice-versa.

Go ahead and buy him a Christmas gift. He'll know it comes from your heart.

Merry Christmas!

GingerJar said...

Thank you. He is a wonderful man, and I feel like he saved my life. Especially since I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and was still being stalked! Dave is my Knight in Shining Armor....

Debbie Y. said...

Dave is a much better man for it. Sure he has pain, he has depression, he has issues with not being able to work, but guess what? If that accident had not happened he wouldn't have you. He probably would still be married to his ex and not knowing he was missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to him, so take it in stride, tell him how much you love him and thank the good Lord above that he brought the two of you together.

I have a somewhat similar happenstance in the way Eddie and I met, if my bad luck had not happened I would never have met Eddie and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him even though he can't work and is in a lot of pain, but he just does it for me. End of story, period, paragraph!

Reddirt Woman said...

Dang! When it rains it pours. I do understand where he is coming from with the depression for sure after hearing all that he's been through. While my circumstances are nowhere near his, because of my disability I haven't been able to work and it has almost killed me at times.

Gingerjar, you get home and give that man the best hug and tell him that you all are so blessed to have each other... that would be like having Christmas every day to love each other the way you all do.

Merry Christmas and wishes for the best year ever in 2009.

Helen

Reddirt Woman said...

Happy New Year to you and Dave. I hope 2009 is very good to you both.

Helen