Had a patient repeat tonight. Same dude that almost coded on me with the same spouse that screamed at me and grabbed my arm. WELL LET ME TELL YA! The poor guy got no sleep last night...his wife poked and prodded and shook him all night...and would come get me...."his stomach is hurting him"...
Well Ms. PIMA (ok that is bad...but it stands for Pain in my Arse), what makes you think his abdomen is hurting him, he is actually asleep.
Well Ms. SmartyPants nurse when you take your hand push it five inches down into his stomach, grasp the "fat" and twist it elicites a moan and he starts slapping the side of his bed with his hand.
Ms. PIMA, perhaps if you didn't attempt to palpate his spine from the front, he might possibly stop hurting.
But, Ms. SmartyPants nurse, he must be hurting.
Ms. PIMA, I really must insist that you unhand your husbands stomach before he covers you with Pulmocare emesis, which wouldn't be very pleasant.
Well, Ms. SmartyPants nurse, I really insist that you medicate him for pain since he is obviously in pain. (actually by the point the patient WAS in fact moaning) I could "see" the pain. I bet in the depths of his mind, back behind the drug induced fog and the ICU psychosis..he is thinking...someday Ms. PIMA...someday I will run to the light...run to the light to get away from the constant goading, pinching, pushing and pulling on me you do!
Oh, Joy! She actually slept one hour last night...so my patient got to sleep one hour. She said she would go home for a few hours to sleep today, so the Mr. will get a little sleep...of course that means she will be back to fuss over him and pick, prod, and piddle all night. I swear she stood at the door's window watching me, and everytime my behind got near a chair so I could chart and check the Medication records for the next shift...she was calling me for something. I feel sorry for the Mr. Maybe they will send him to rehab so he can rest up before he has to go home.
Me. I got off work and went to the other hospital to actually visit somebody, my neighbor. She is so nice...she gave me an ivy she grew for our house. She had knee surgery and is a bit under the weather. I took her a card, a mum plant (gold and yellow...very pretty) and two magazines. Her hubby wasn't there yet. Their cow died last night and he's waiting for the county to come and bury her. They sure loved that cow...she actually died of old age! Ah, to be a cow...a HAPPY COW!!!
Oh, and speaking of HAPPY COW'S never never never never sent a FarSides cartoon with a cow on it to a sister-in-law....they just don't get the humor...especially when they (unbeknownest to you) have gained 50 lbs since you last saw them....yes...my bad. I was trying to cheer her up since she had just gotten released from the funny farm. I sent her a card that had a salesman cow on it and a housewife cow opens the door. Salesman cow asks "are you a happy cow?"....and the rest is history. My sister-in-law didn't speak to me for nearly a year.