Thursday, September 4, 2008

Why Visitors Should Go Home...but they don't :(

Had a patient repeat tonight. Same dude that almost coded on me with the same spouse that screamed at me and grabbed my arm. WELL LET ME TELL YA! The poor guy got no sleep last night...his wife poked and prodded and shook him all night...and would come get me...."his stomach is hurting him"...

Well Ms. PIMA (ok that is bad...but it stands for Pain in my Arse), what makes you think his abdomen is hurting him, he is actually asleep.

Well Ms. SmartyPants nurse when you take your hand push it five inches down into his stomach, grasp the "fat" and twist it elicites a moan and he starts slapping the side of his bed with his hand.

Ms. PIMA, perhaps if you didn't attempt to palpate his spine from the front, he might possibly stop hurting.

But, Ms. SmartyPants nurse, he must be hurting.

Ms. PIMA, I really must insist that you unhand your husbands stomach before he covers you with Pulmocare emesis, which wouldn't be very pleasant.

Well, Ms. SmartyPants nurse, I really insist that you medicate him for pain since he is obviously in pain. (actually by the point the patient WAS in fact moaning) I could "see" the pain. I bet in the depths of his mind, back behind the drug induced fog and the ICU psychosis..he is thinking...someday Ms. PIMA...someday I will run to the to the light to get away from the constant goading, pinching, pushing and pulling on me you do!

Oh, Joy! She actually slept one hour last my patient got to sleep one hour. She said she would go home for a few hours to sleep today, so the Mr. will get a little sleep...of course that means she will be back to fuss over him and pick, prod, and piddle all night. I swear she stood at the door's window watching me, and everytime my behind got near a chair so I could chart and check the Medication records for the next shift...she was calling me for something. I feel sorry for the Mr. Maybe they will send him to rehab so he can rest up before he has to go home.

Me. I got off work and went to the other hospital to actually visit somebody, my neighbor. She is so nice...she gave me an ivy she grew for our house. She had knee surgery and is a bit under the weather. I took her a card, a mum plant (gold and yellow...very pretty) and two magazines. Her hubby wasn't there yet. Their cow died last night and he's waiting for the county to come and bury her. They sure loved that cow...she actually died of old age! Ah, to be a cow...a HAPPY COW!!!

Oh, and speaking of HAPPY COW'S never never never never sent a FarSides cartoon with a cow on it to a sister-in-law....they just don't get the humor...especially when they (unbeknownest to you) have gained 50 lbs since you last saw bad. I was trying to cheer her up since she had just gotten released from the funny farm. I sent her a card that had a salesman cow on it and a housewife cow opens the door. Salesman cow asks "are you a happy cow?"....and the rest is history. My sister-in-law didn't speak to me for nearly a year.


Debbie Y. said...

Oh good grief, no wonder the man keeps wanting to come to the hospital, he is hoping the doctor will bann his wife from the hospital probably. She sounds like she has Munchausen (sp.?) Syndrome or something attention seeking on her part.

Glad you got to visit your neighbor, but you had to go to a hospital (aren't you sick of going to the hospital).

The sister-in-law needs to get a sense of humor. Happy cow or no, The Far Side is a funny cartoon.

Gail said...

I'm sorry I laughed through your whole blog. Shame, Shame, on me. You had a rough time but it sounds like you handled it well. I think I would have fixed a cot beside his bed for her and when she went to sleep I'd have stuck her in the rear with a sleeping shot. I would have also put a note on the door for family members that said,"Both parties sleeping please don't disturb." I'm sure they would have gladly stepped away from the door because she probably treats them like she treated you.
Keep up the good work as a great nurse and a terrific blogger!

shrimplate said...

Munchausen's By Proxy, definitely.

I actually find it wo be very interesting working with such people.

By the way, we use the acronym "PITA," for "pain-in-the-ass." It must be some nearly-universal nurse thing...

Aleta said...

I loved this post! You have a great sense of humor and I imagine you have plenty of stories to share with the type of work that you do. As much as I laughed with your post and was entertained by it, I also want to add that I greatly appreciate what you do for a living. Just recently my fiance was in a head on car accident (lady in the opposite lane lost control of her vehicle and hit him head on).. How he made it out alive.. well, he knows there are guardian angels and some are in human forms as nurses. They took good care of him, especially in the trauma unit. So *hugs* and *thanks* from a patient's fiance. (And I didn't poke or prod him when I stayed in the hospital room. Lol.)