Well, Dolly may be gone, but there are still weird things to see and experience.
The elevator at work. The rear door doesn't open. It always says it's on the 3rd floor no matter where it really is. When you get in it always says you're on the 13th floor or going to the 13th floor...and strangely we only have 4 floors and a roof! So is that Lucky 13...like the guitar pick's or Unlucky 13 like with superstion??
The parking lot in the mornings. More than trees being pulled up and disrupted, our parking lot is flooded everymore, with water pooling up from the sprinklers. Maybe they are stopped up from the stilt, but what the heck is the matter with the timers...the water is still pumping out in the mornings, not spraying, pumping like a cut artery. Weird.
Driving home, I realize the farmers have probably lost millions of dollars in the valley. Cotton lies on the ground like wet popcorn. What cotton is still on the bush is dangling like wet hankies. Not exactly the fluffy cotton I'm used to seeing.
Roof's covered with bright blue tarps.
Ditches full of stacks of tree limbs.
People helping people....now that's not only weird...it's surreal!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Thoughts
"A day in the Life of Dan" a movie with that Steve guy that played in the "40 year Old Virgin". Wow. I didn't expect much...got comedy, and laughs, and tears...and Wow...I just didn't expect to enjoy the movie so much it was great.
Last week while we were preparing to go to Corpus Christi, I was checking the Local paper for stuff to do..and I did what I usually do and went to Obits...after all, I know a lot of people working in that area, and lived there for over two years. Shock, Shock, Shock....my ex...the drunk, druggie, stalker extradnair...my nightmare...my "look over your shoulder at all times", the reason for the scar on my face...the reason I cannot ever trust a man totally,.... well his luck ran out. What do you feel when somebody you thought you loved, somebody who made you feel so deeply, fear so deeply, and changed the way you felt about everything...forever...is gone.
Relief. Number one, to my shame, I felt relief. Relief from the fear of him finding me. Relief from my past sins, relief from the pain that never went away. Now when I look in the mirror and see the scar, maybe I won't see a man saying "It's Ok, no one will ever notice, after all you are getting wrinkles, it will just fade into the wrinkles and no one will ever know. After all, you KNOW I love you". Well after finally getting off the Merry-go-round and fleeing..first to my Son's (well, guess what...not a surprise...he found me), then to an agency job (guess what, found me again...thank you MSN for keeping my privacy), then landing in a South Texas town where I knew no body with 67 cents in my pocket and a new job, with 2 weeks to payday (sorry Abby, my poor pup who had to eat can beans with me).
Well guess what, he found me again. When my wrist was sprained from him twisting the phone out of my hand because I was calling 911...he took off with my truck keys, my debit card, all my cash, and my credentials that I had to have for my job. The cops picked him up...and wanted to release him...because, after all he was just drunk...and couldn't he just stay with me until he sobered up. "Well, Hell No Officer, He is not my husband, I am not married to him, and he assualted me"...well all that meant nothing in this county, after all that is a common problem in the hispanic community...just same-oh-same-o. The only reason that arrested him "Officer, as I understand it, interferring with a 911 call is illegal, actually a felony?". Well Ms. Gingerjar, please explain how he interferred...Well he forced his way into my apartment and placed my wireless phone in the commode, then he bent my hand backwards (at that time I did not realize I had a real injury), breaking my cell phone....I screamed for somebody just pulling up in the parking lot to call 911. Well, Ms. Gingerjar, were you in fact trying to call 911 at the time of the incident.... Mr. Officer, if you will look at my face where I was struck and my flip phone which is lying in two pieces you could notice I was not wanting him here. Well Ms. Gingerjar...is there anything else you would like to add??? Yes, Mr. Officer, I have a disc with copies of phones where he beat the hell out of me...which is why I moved to this fine town in the middle of nowhere, and JUST HOW DO YOU THINK I ...A PLAIN OLD CITIZEN KNOWS THAT IT IS A FELONY TO INTERFER WITH A 911 CALL???" So Ms. Gingerjar, you are saying you wish him to be arrested and you will press charges. Yes, Mr. Officer, where do I sign???
The next day he was released on bond (without me being notified) and he caught a bus back to Corpus. I kept calling the arresting officer and was told I didn't have to do anything, since I was assaulted, the DA would automatically pick up the case, I did not have to call, go to court, or be involved (in other words...leaves us the fuck alone and quite calling). Guess what, THE JUDGE dropped the case. He did not have to appear in court. NO BODY asked me about the harm done to me. He was not my husband, he was not my boyfriend. Because we had "co-habitated" I had no rights. If he had been a stranger and assaulted me he would have went to jail, because I "knew" him...I had no rights. I felt that the system had raped me...more than he had...raped me and beaten me down. I was afraid to even go to see my son, or my grandson, I went no where. I stayed home, with my phones off and my cell off...with him calling the apartment complex office up to 50 times a day demanding that I call him back, filling my cell phone voice mail with all the calls it would hold, I couldn't even turn it on. The man was bipolar...He would threaten me "I'll kill you, no body will do anything, they know I have papers, I'll kill you and throw you in the lake or the river...NO BODY CARES. The cops and the legal system proved to me he was right, I had no rights... I was just a woman. Defenseless. Useless. Piece of trash. A throw-a-way babe.
So now he is dead. Roll over accident, drunk driving (go figure) and what do I feel? Sad. His mother has lost two children in two years, both alcohol related. Me. Elated, guilty as charged, not "glad he is dead", but glad that he can no longer ... ever....ever...ever hurt me again. My nightmare is gone.
How may other women live with the nightmare? I don't know, but for me the storm is over and the grass smells freshest after the rain.
Last week while we were preparing to go to Corpus Christi, I was checking the Local paper for stuff to do..and I did what I usually do and went to Obits...after all, I know a lot of people working in that area, and lived there for over two years. Shock, Shock, Shock....my ex...the drunk, druggie, stalker extradnair...my nightmare...my "look over your shoulder at all times", the reason for the scar on my face...the reason I cannot ever trust a man totally,.... well his luck ran out. What do you feel when somebody you thought you loved, somebody who made you feel so deeply, fear so deeply, and changed the way you felt about everything...forever...is gone.
Relief. Number one, to my shame, I felt relief. Relief from the fear of him finding me. Relief from my past sins, relief from the pain that never went away. Now when I look in the mirror and see the scar, maybe I won't see a man saying "It's Ok, no one will ever notice, after all you are getting wrinkles, it will just fade into the wrinkles and no one will ever know. After all, you KNOW I love you". Well after finally getting off the Merry-go-round and fleeing..first to my Son's (well, guess what...not a surprise...he found me), then to an agency job (guess what, found me again...thank you MSN for keeping my privacy), then landing in a South Texas town where I knew no body with 67 cents in my pocket and a new job, with 2 weeks to payday (sorry Abby, my poor pup who had to eat can beans with me).
Well guess what, he found me again. When my wrist was sprained from him twisting the phone out of my hand because I was calling 911...he took off with my truck keys, my debit card, all my cash, and my credentials that I had to have for my job. The cops picked him up...and wanted to release him...because, after all he was just drunk...and couldn't he just stay with me until he sobered up. "Well, Hell No Officer, He is not my husband, I am not married to him, and he assualted me"...well all that meant nothing in this county, after all that is a common problem in the hispanic community...just same-oh-same-o. The only reason that arrested him "Officer, as I understand it, interferring with a 911 call is illegal, actually a felony?". Well Ms. Gingerjar, please explain how he interferred...Well he forced his way into my apartment and placed my wireless phone in the commode, then he bent my hand backwards (at that time I did not realize I had a real injury), breaking my cell phone....I screamed for somebody just pulling up in the parking lot to call 911. Well, Ms. Gingerjar, were you in fact trying to call 911 at the time of the incident.... Mr. Officer, if you will look at my face where I was struck and my flip phone which is lying in two pieces you could notice I was not wanting him here. Well Ms. Gingerjar...is there anything else you would like to add??? Yes, Mr. Officer, I have a disc with copies of phones where he beat the hell out of me...which is why I moved to this fine town in the middle of nowhere, and JUST HOW DO YOU THINK I ...A PLAIN OLD CITIZEN KNOWS THAT IT IS A FELONY TO INTERFER WITH A 911 CALL???" So Ms. Gingerjar, you are saying you wish him to be arrested and you will press charges. Yes, Mr. Officer, where do I sign???
The next day he was released on bond (without me being notified) and he caught a bus back to Corpus. I kept calling the arresting officer and was told I didn't have to do anything, since I was assaulted, the DA would automatically pick up the case, I did not have to call, go to court, or be involved (in other words...leaves us the fuck alone and quite calling). Guess what, THE JUDGE dropped the case. He did not have to appear in court. NO BODY asked me about the harm done to me. He was not my husband, he was not my boyfriend. Because we had "co-habitated" I had no rights. If he had been a stranger and assaulted me he would have went to jail, because I "knew" him...I had no rights. I felt that the system had raped me...more than he had...raped me and beaten me down. I was afraid to even go to see my son, or my grandson, I went no where. I stayed home, with my phones off and my cell off...with him calling the apartment complex office up to 50 times a day demanding that I call him back, filling my cell phone voice mail with all the calls it would hold, I couldn't even turn it on. The man was bipolar...He would threaten me "I'll kill you, no body will do anything, they know I have papers, I'll kill you and throw you in the lake or the river...NO BODY CARES. The cops and the legal system proved to me he was right, I had no rights... I was just a woman. Defenseless. Useless. Piece of trash. A throw-a-way babe.
So now he is dead. Roll over accident, drunk driving (go figure) and what do I feel? Sad. His mother has lost two children in two years, both alcohol related. Me. Elated, guilty as charged, not "glad he is dead", but glad that he can no longer ... ever....ever...ever hurt me again. My nightmare is gone.
How may other women live with the nightmare? I don't know, but for me the storm is over and the grass smells freshest after the rain.
Please, Please, Please
Please, somebody, quick, tell me why an 18 year old would be dumb enough to smoke Crack laced MJ...why??? Don't kids know that they can get a heart attack, even if they've never had a history...young and stupidity...yup they go together! Had a patient, we'll call him Joe for HIPPA purposes. His cuz didn't want to "smoke" alone and talked the kid into helping him out with his weed. Granted Joe, who loves to smoke MJ, has not been smoking as much lately...why??? Who knows, lack of a source, lack of money, whatever the reason...he was laying off. Then here his Cuz shows...and he gets more than he bargained for....severe chest pain. I ask him "Joe you still in school?", "Yup!", "Ya a Senior?"..."Well No....", "Well What grade Are you in"....He sheepishly looks at the Floor..."Well I'm doing the 10th for the 3rd time....I'm a Sophomore". The MOM in me wanted to kick in and say, "DUMBASS...THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SMOKE DOPE" . Well guess you could say he has said good-bye to ambition, hello to addiction.
Left a boat-load of literature on Cocaine, crack, smoking cessation, substance abuse and the like at his bedside, and referred him to Casemanagement for possible follow-up counseling. That's it, that's about all we offer.
At least the crazy lady in bed 3 quit screaming at me long enough to go home.... *hand-springs* in the hallway!
Nighty night. Gotta go to bed now.
Left a boat-load of literature on Cocaine, crack, smoking cessation, substance abuse and the like at his bedside, and referred him to Casemanagement for possible follow-up counseling. That's it, that's about all we offer.
At least the crazy lady in bed 3 quit screaming at me long enough to go home.... *hand-springs* in the hallway!
Nighty night. Gotta go to bed now.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Newby Nurse forever does it Again
Well, I guess me watching over one of her patient's all night long wasn't enough. I told her you couldn't give blood with a 24 g needle, and I reminded her to check the IV BEFORE obtaining the blood from the lab...she pooh-poohed me with...it has NS going at 100 in it, it's fine, I'm using it. Checked blood at the bedside, she pulls back the sheet and low and behold the IV is out and the NS is flowing all right...right into the bed....oh my gosh...whatever will I do....WILL YOU PLEASE START ME ANOTHER IV? I actually turned in disgust...and said..."Sorry, you'll have to get the Charge Nurse for that, I'm too busy (after all I had a new IV to start in one of my own rooms!). She was shocked, I didn't do it for her, I didn't start the IV or the blood, or do her medication records or ......you get the drift.
Got an admit last night, 95 yr old gal, full of grit and vinegar I tell ya. She's a cutie. I really hope she is better by this evening as she was very sick this morning. No complaints from her. I did have a patient that was yelling at me when I came in the door, mad because I didn't speak Spanish, I got somebody to translate and calm him down...this morning he was speaking PERFECT English!!!! Like why the heck did I have to take an ass chewing...when he understood me PERFECTLY???
WEll to bed I go...I actually had a decent night as you can see, it is 8:30 and I am home again!
Got an admit last night, 95 yr old gal, full of grit and vinegar I tell ya. She's a cutie. I really hope she is better by this evening as she was very sick this morning. No complaints from her. I did have a patient that was yelling at me when I came in the door, mad because I didn't speak Spanish, I got somebody to translate and calm him down...this morning he was speaking PERFECT English!!!! Like why the heck did I have to take an ass chewing...when he understood me PERFECTLY???
WEll to bed I go...I actually had a decent night as you can see, it is 8:30 and I am home again!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Another Day...and back to work
My last day at work (Sunday night) wasn't too bad. Got relieved by a nurse from a sister hospital that had traveled from Arizona as a volunteer to do some relief work. The valley unsually has slow summer season. We don't have extra workers in the summer, but always have travel nurses to help in the winter when we are busy...winter Texans and all. Well since the big OTHER hospital had so many window's blown out...they have almost a whole floor (over 21 rooms) that are out of commission, and they have been on diversion for two weeks now, we have been getting all the overflow. I am not complaining, since that means I'm not getting cancelled and not having to use over-time to tide me over so my pay is level. It just seems like the patient's we've been getting have been really really sick...and "heavy". My "new" nurse was complaining (again) that her patient load was too heavy and I actually should have gotten that assignment...since I was more experienced than her (whine whine whine) I offered to exchange...give her my one day Post-CABG with 3 chest tubes and a PCA, my two day Post-amputee with a PCA, my patient getting two units of blood that night (on my shift), my Confused patient (with no sitter) and my new hemodialysis patient who had a severely low BP.....well after about two heartbeats of thinking about it she realized she actually had gotten the lighter patient load.....very stable patient's with one patient a DNR....what was she really complaining about???? She just has a lot of insecurity and doesn't trust her own judgement. If she would just start relaxing...she knows what she is suppose to do...but she stresses herself and everybody around her because she just has no confidence....too bad it doesn't come in a tonic...I'd give it to her.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Dolly: The aftermath!
Well for us, the damage was moderate...mostly roof. Others' not so lucky. The storm drains overflowed in town and peoples homes have 3-4 feet of water in them. Other places have better drainage than here. Here, there is a levy system for the Rio Grande, but most places have built up small earthen levies around the outsides of their property to hold water in...because it is so dry, when you water you don't want it to run out and into the ditches, well this system has worked against us with the torrent of rain. Water stood in yards for days...allowing the mosquitos to breed and hatch. Hords of mosquitoes..black...clouds of mosquitoes, immune it seems to every spray known to man. Hundreds at the door waiting for a meal to come out. Hundreds swarm into the vehicle when the door opens. Hundreds swarm onto you when you get out. "Off" is our friend...which is only a deterrant!
The adjuster is here...still measuring and computing damage...and we..we were lucky. We didn't lose any food due to being able to use a generator most of the time (and planning, I filled every empty space with water bottles full of frozen water (solid water stays frozen longer than crushed ice) and had 40 pounds of bagged ice in the freezer to keep it cold! The roof and underpinning are our main concerns. The roof...before it rains again...needs to be totally replaced, and the underpinning needs back on to decrease our energy consumption and allow the house to be really cool again. But, we know angels were watching over us. It could have been much worse.
The adjuster is here...still measuring and computing damage...and we..we were lucky. We didn't lose any food due to being able to use a generator most of the time (and planning, I filled every empty space with water bottles full of frozen water (solid water stays frozen longer than crushed ice) and had 40 pounds of bagged ice in the freezer to keep it cold! The roof and underpinning are our main concerns. The roof...before it rains again...needs to be totally replaced, and the underpinning needs back on to decrease our energy consumption and allow the house to be really cool again. But, we know angels were watching over us. It could have been much worse.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Goodbye Dolly
Thanks to all who were concerned with our well-being during the recent storm. I would like to comment back, but having difficulty with the internet, as well as the satellite since the storm. Today (31/2 days post-dolly) is the 1st day with power. 5pm, and the power came back on....ice...wow! You don't know what you have until it is gone. When you are sitting in Cat II hurricane with the wind blowing the rain sideways at 100 mph, you realize how little and insignificant you are. Walls shaking, wind screaming, you feel so fragile. Human beings are only flesh and blood, and easily injured. I was terrified...almost psycotically so...I've always been afraid of storms. I've survived tornadoes and thunderstorms...but this was something else. Shingles flying, windows flexing...self flushing tolits (something to do with the atmospheric pressure outside being lower than inside or something technical like that...plain weird if you ask me.)
My hospital...being so kind and caring...sent the surgery coordinator out into the hurricane (6 hours after a very slow-moving landfall) to fetch me for work .... so out into the hurricane I wade...with knee boots, and the water was only two inches below the top of the boots. Then I had the scariest , white knuckled ride of my life, creeping along at about 10-15 mph with water up to the doors, trees in the road, power lines down, driving in the ditches...got to the resoaca (small lake) and there was road construction...and the barrels had all washed away, and you couldn't tell which part was the road and which part was going into the water....Got to work...no power except emergency generator. No air-conditioning...just a few box fans...floors sweating (you know how they wax them) within 5 minutes I was soaked to the skin with sweat...not a very pleasant feeling. The first patient began immediately cursing ME because it was HOT and I should FIX it. I sweetly pointed out we were in the middle of a hurricane...and was promptly informed a little wind was nothing...and I was to fetch coffee...of course we didn't have any coffee...because a coffee pot is not considered emergency equipment and does not rate a RED EMERGENCY plug...so there was no coffee. I was then informed by this patient that I was to get my ASS out of his room and GO TO THE CIRCLE K and get him some DAMNED COFFEE!!!!! Hummmmmmmmmmm....and just how was I suppose to accomplish that...on foot...in a hurricane...with objects flying around in the air?????? I made him some instant coffee with hot tap water from my stash in my locker...which he REFUSED to drink after I went to all the trouble. Later a corrections officer who was having to sit with an inmate asked for coffee and I offered him the same thing...and he and his partner were very grateful...and very appreciative. At least somebody thought I was doing something right!. We lost part of the roof on the 4th floor and patients had to be moved to third and second....so we had a mix of med/surg and telemetry/PCCU patients. I kept moving fans around trying to keep my patients as comfortable as possible...but it was really really really miserable.
Today...I have power. The air-c0nditioner is cranking and the humidity is coming down in the house. Life is good.
My hospital...being so kind and caring...sent the surgery coordinator out into the hurricane (6 hours after a very slow-moving landfall) to fetch me for work .... so out into the hurricane I wade...with knee boots, and the water was only two inches below the top of the boots. Then I had the scariest , white knuckled ride of my life, creeping along at about 10-15 mph with water up to the doors, trees in the road, power lines down, driving in the ditches...got to the resoaca (small lake) and there was road construction...and the barrels had all washed away, and you couldn't tell which part was the road and which part was going into the water....Got to work...no power except emergency generator. No air-conditioning...just a few box fans...floors sweating (you know how they wax them) within 5 minutes I was soaked to the skin with sweat...not a very pleasant feeling. The first patient began immediately cursing ME because it was HOT and I should FIX it. I sweetly pointed out we were in the middle of a hurricane...and was promptly informed a little wind was nothing...and I was to fetch coffee...of course we didn't have any coffee...because a coffee pot is not considered emergency equipment and does not rate a RED EMERGENCY plug...so there was no coffee. I was then informed by this patient that I was to get my ASS out of his room and GO TO THE CIRCLE K and get him some DAMNED COFFEE!!!!! Hummmmmmmmmmm....and just how was I suppose to accomplish that...on foot...in a hurricane...with objects flying around in the air?????? I made him some instant coffee with hot tap water from my stash in my locker...which he REFUSED to drink after I went to all the trouble. Later a corrections officer who was having to sit with an inmate asked for coffee and I offered him the same thing...and he and his partner were very grateful...and very appreciative. At least somebody thought I was doing something right!. We lost part of the roof on the 4th floor and patients had to be moved to third and second....so we had a mix of med/surg and telemetry/PCCU patients. I kept moving fans around trying to keep my patients as comfortable as possible...but it was really really really miserable.
Today...I have power. The air-c0nditioner is cranking and the humidity is coming down in the house. Life is good.
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