Sunday, February 15, 2009

What's Black and Hairy and....

What's black and hairy and sitting at the end of a drive-way on the way home to my house from work yesterday???? Is it a dog??? Is it a cow??? Is it a goat, you may ask. It was neither, either any of these common things. It was in appeared to be... let me be clear right here...I was neither inebriated nor was I drugged up...I was not in fact even sleepy....but sitting right there in somebodies driveway was one of the fugliest (yes a f##king ugly) BIG BLACK HAIRY MONKEY!!! Or maybe it was an orangutan or a small gorilla type primate...what ever the hell it was it was staring back at me....and turning it's head to watch me pass. NO...IT WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE UGLY CONCRETE GORILLA'S that people think it is cute to dress up with a red bandanna and a flag in it's hand. It wasn't a cut-out and it wasn't an apparition (well I hope not anyway) best I could tell it wasn't even a visual hallucination. I slowed down, I considered going back and checking it out again...but then I remembered that primates (other than humans) can be quite territorial and aggressive.

I considered calling 911...I played out the scenario in my head. "911...what's your Emergency?" " Well, sir, you see...there is this monkey sitting at the end of a drive-way" , "A monkey, are you sure lady?" "Yes, sir, a monkey!" "And how would a monkey sitting at the end of a drive-way constitute an emergency?" "Well sir, somebody may have a wreck when they see him...or he may impede traffic in someway..he is a wild animal you know?" "Well lady...what exactly was this alleged monkey doing when you spied him sitting at the end of a drive-way?" "Well, he appeared to be acting like a monkey and picking his nose and eating boogers," "Lady, are you sure that isn't a kid?".....well not likely I would be reporting that little critter.

Monkey's ...running wild in Texas...Monkeys...when you see one, there must be more of them. Used to, I thought Monkeys were the precursor to death in the ICU unit I used to work in. When-ever I would have a patient close to death they would start seeing monkeys in their room...monkey's on the ceiling...monkey's in the corner's...frisky monkey's everywhere...the patients would beg me to rid their room of monkey's! I asked a co-worker what was up with my patients seeing monkey's in their rooms...she informed me her patients saw bug's in the room...huge spiders and cock-roaches...We decided that my monkey's must be chasing her bugs out. Never did figure that one out. Texas...not in a zoo...go figure...what is this world coming to???


Debbie Y. said...

Could you tell if it was tied down? Maybe somebody got a monkey for Valentine's? Who knows, pretty strange though.

When I was a little girl, I traipsed off from my Grandmother's house when I was told not to. I went to the apartment complex behind her house to play on the swings. A young boy handed me a leash and told me to hold his pet while he went to use the bathroom. It was a monkey, the monkey proceeded to climb up the side of my body landing on my shoulder and pooping down my sweatshirt. I had no idea what to tell my Grandmother. In any event, I got a severe whipping with a switch for leaving the yard and another one for ruining my sweatshirt with monkey poop.

Hope you get your neighborhood monkey crisis under control. It's not safe to have a monkey on the prowl.

Reddirt Woman said...

Talk about going ape-shit. I'd be for hitting the brakes and taking a picture with my cellphone so nobody would be thinking April Fool, or freaking crazy. It's kind of a UFO thing... do I say something? Am I the only one seeing this hairy vision?

Great story. Try to grab a picture next time you see it.


Shay said...

Well, I just heard of a case (I can't remember where) but a woman got mauled by a monkey like that so I'm glad you stayed away. Last I heard she was in critical condition (and boy it was the wildest story I had ever heard). Next time you might want to call it in booger talk and all lol!!