today....the 8th of June. Well seems like I have been absent from the blog-o-sphere for 4-freaking ever. LOL. So much has happened. I read my old blogs and wonder who in the hell I was way back when. My puppy love Abby has been dead now for 6 or  7 hears and I still can't say her name without tearing up. Izzy is so old her muzzle is grey, she has bad breath, bad teeth, is deaf , almost blind and asthmatic...we expect to find her cold any day now....We have a 3 year old lab named Layla who I love soooo much, she loves me too, gets in bed to just lay by me in the mornings. We have changed everything in our lives in the last year. Moved to close to Beeville, old Farm house, 10 acres, a pond, privacy .... close to my son Ben and my daughter in Law Beth. Chance, my oldest grandson, just graduated the Naval academy and is in Advanced training.


So yes, I have been despondent, almost to the point of suicidal. I have cried and prayed and cried and prayed, then prayed some more. nothing seems to change, and my mood has not improved much. We were at the pond today, and Dave wanted to know why I was weepy and sad....how can I tell him, it's just the family stuff.

Anyhow , I am off this weekend, and hopefully things will turn around. I have been sad for so long. I have lost weight and I don't feel like doing much except sleeping. Sometimes I wish that I would just never wake up. Life is just too hard. I am so tired of trying to please everyone in this damned world. I am tired of people talking bad about me, patients who curse me, patient's who hurt me...I have not had a pain free day in over 2 months...thank you miss overdose cutie who fucked my shoulder up beyond all belief. I am tired of taking pain meds, muscle relaxers and using rubs and heat on my shoulder to no avail. I hurt day and night...I am so freaking tired of the pain~.. AND yest I am depressed. I am 61 and it seems like no one gives a flying fk if I am alive or dead .... except when it makes them feel better

pity party ove.r